Friday, September 4, 2015

Can finally write again.

I don't know that this is exclusively a writer's thing... It's probably true for all kinds of artists. Creating something is very hard, I think there isn't enough credit for it most of the time. For me as a writer, there is nothing worse than writer's block.

I have a stronger passion for writing than anything else in life. When I write, it's a kind of feeling like I'm not even on this planet. The feeling is freeing, it feeds me soul and my overall wellbeing. But to write, you have to sit down, open up a blank page, and starting writing (or typing). Words have to land on the page. At times it flows so naturally, so easily, and I don't even have to think about it. The words just come. But there are also times when I open up a blank page and I sit there, staring at it, or staring at my pen or my keyboard. And I will sit there, and sit there, and maybe write a few things and then delete them or scribble them out. It's like my words are broken, my creativity is just not connecting with the rest of my brain. I know it's there, I can think of all the things in my head but I cannot bring myself to write it down. And finally, after spending a fair portion of my day sitting there, not writing anything, I give up. And I feel like absolute shit.

This will go on for days, sometimes weeks. The uneasy feeling comes and stays, the whole time. When I'm working, riding my horse, cleaning, watching a movie, eating, driving... It's always there, nagging at me. The need to write. But I can't do it.

And the reason why I'm writing this post is because I feel like I can write today, for the first time in a few weeks. The set up is perfect, soft easy music, a pot of coffee to myself, two sleeping dogs, no one else in the house... I can do it. But I'm a little nervous, so I'm writing here, so get my fingers going, you know. Once you start typing (or writing), it's easier to keep your fingers moving, so now that I have my fingers all in the mood to type furiously across the keyboard, I will finish this post an open up a blank page and pray to all the deities that I can actually get something written. 

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