What a long post!

Oh god, no, not this post.

I'm talking about the fucking love essay I just wrote on http://justwhatifeellikesaying.blogspot.com

You know my other lame blog that I ditched before making this one.

So. Yeah.

Happy Saturday!!
Bitches. :D 

I always thought love was a good answer

But how can a person love when they are killed without a reason, without even a warning?

How can we hope to be peaceful, when every attempt at peace gets us killed?


Today is a truly devastating day. 

I wanna manicure

just cause I'm tired of dealing with my nails myself. 

To Write

It's harder than most people think, to sit by yourself and create something with only your words

You can't do it with others

The environment must be lonely and at times you might feel insane

So,

You do everything else that you can possibly think of, forever putting off the inevitable

Because writers can't not write

I think it's a love/hate sort of situation.


The longer I go without writing, the less I feel myself, the less I feel connected

Which is funny, since writing itself is rather disconnecting at times.

And as I write this, I'm thinking of what I should be writing

I could do a million other things, instead, the page will still be there when everything else is done.

The cleaning, the laundry, the studying, tending to the garden, the dog and the horse, getting the car serviced, doing some yoga, reorganizing my work space yet again (I've rearranged the bedroom more times than any normal person would)...

But what really should be done is the writing.

What will I do, then?

I'm going to study.

Spring

Today is Ostara, the Spring Equinox. Today is also the day that the Sun enters Aries.


Today is a day that can only be good. Today is a day for all to step forward and do what they thought they could not... Because today, you can.

There is so much I would like to say, but for the sake of time, I will only say this... Blessed Be!!

Well at least,

So, my life right now is like a big hot mess, only really it's rather cold (thanks weather and immune system). Between dealing with school, family, animals, keeping up with the house, money, and my health (I'm ignoring my social life here cause compared to everything else it's nothing), I'm spread thin. Winter is nearing an end, but it's the last stretch that gets me. Like when you've been gone for a while, and you've spent hours driving home.. On the last bit of the drive, when everything is familiar again, and you know you're close.. It seems so so far away. That's where I'm at with the seasons. School work is daunting and never-ending, and everything else I mentioned above I won't be writing about because really it's too much to say and I haven't the time (Really don't have the time to be writing any of this, to be honest).

The point of this, which I thought was funny and wanted to share with the internet here on my lonely blog, is to tell a very quick story. My friend was over, we were doing homework together, and venting to each other about our clusterfuck lives. I had to go, mid-study, to take care of my horse, as is usual. I have been sick, for quite some time now (an actual amount of time written would only depress me, so quite some time is what we will stick with), and I've been losing weight, and I find myself in tears several times a day, and often doze off for a few moments, whenever my body is still and I'm not in class (or driving, though there have been some close calls there). My friend is, needless to say, worried about me. What she said to me, as I was leaving, was this:
"You look really beautiful,"
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Yes, everything is going to shit and I can barely make it through a day in one piece. But at least I'm pretty."

It's funny because, being pretty has always been so important to me. And now I have the pretty thing down fairly well. I can now see how helpful it is in every other aspect of my life.

ha.

Now, This is Funny

Last blog post was in December, so, a while ago but not too long. This is a funny bit, while I wrote that blog post, I was on hold with insurance. Really hilarious, because, it's been all this time and guess what I will be doing tomorrow? Attempting to, yet again, deal with insurance.

FUCKING YAY.

Any who, I was going to write something that isn't about insurance but now that I've thought of it I'm just a bit peeved so instead I'm going to call my boyfriend and have him tell me a story (he is good at creating stories out of thin air), so hopefully that will cheer me up. Then I will sleep. 'Cause, you know, school is in fact, in the morning. And I can't be late! ;)