I just looked at myself in the mirror for the first time today

And that's surprising, since my room is full of mirrors, and my bathroom is full of mirrors, and my car is pretty well equipped with mirrors too.

Anyways.

I look terrifying and gross. And I've like, been places, in public, today.

This morning I thought, "whatever my hair looks like, I'll just tie it in a knot and then shove some bobby pins in all over the place, that'll be fine,"

yeah well that worked well I guess.

Oh well?

I'm gonna keep looking like this for another few hours, then maybe shower (pretty sure that's past due)... Then hey maybe I'll look not terrifying and gross.


Note:
When I say I look terrifying and gross, I mean I look like that to me, maybe I do to others but I don't care what others think! I don't like looking at myself and going through the day doing all my shit, looking like that, because I feel tired and gross and bleh, and that's not a good way to go about your day now is it? 

My Desk

I just wrote a very long paragraph describing my desk and everything that sits on it.

Then I deleted it.

Now I will write this:

Nobody gives a fuck what's on your desk, except for you, and probably your desk.

Is Humanity Waking Up?

I went to the barn first thing, bringing Freya and my parent's dogs Jack & Oliver. When I got to the barn, I see hanging on Lucy's stall, a home-made dream catcher, made with roots, feathers, leaves, and beautiful beads. I had asked another boarder if she would be willing to make one for Lucy, and her grandchildren eagerly took up the task, and while they worked on Lucy's they decided they would make a dreamcatcher for each horse in the barn. You could think, how sweet, kids are cute. But really, here is the thing.

A dreamcatcher is something of wonderful energy, power and magick. It protects us from negativity and darkness. And it does this for not only humans, but for animals and plants, as well. My dreamcatcher, given to me by Jordie, but built by a homeless man that I do not know, is full of love, and it hangs in my bedroom window, and it is there for me, but it is also there for my Freya, and my plant named Francesca, and my four fish, Loki, Hermes, Sami and Baby. One small dreamcatcher is there to protect all seven of the life forms in my room. How amazing is that?

Now my horse, Lucy, will have her very own dreamcatcher, which will be hung in her window. I am sure she will feel better rested, and happier than she already is, and her dreams will be stronger, maybe she will feel her dreams in her reality even (Of course a horse dreams, I believe all life dreams). If all the horses in the barn have a dreamcatcher, think of what will happen to all these horses. Our barn will be filled with happier horses, their energies radiating stronger. Can you imagine what it would feel like to walk into a barn with 15 horses, all with simply glowing energies? Maybe some of us are not so in-tune with the energies around us, but the thing with energy is that you don't have to be aware of it for it to effect you. If you are aware of it, it can be much more beneficial, but you don't even have to believe in it for it to be part of you.

Speaking of the barn (called Blue Note Stables). Each horse is loved dearly. This is a barn where there is no manager. There is an owner who collects rent from boarders, and does work on a tractor from time to time, but there is no manager. Each horse owner (with the exception of one) is there every day to take care of their horse and do their part to take care of the barn. No one asks anyone to help out, because there's no need to ask. Each person there is more than happy to help another with anything they can. There is very rarely negativity in this barn, from the horses or the owners. It is a place welcoming of beginner and advanced equestrians, welcoming of all ages, from children to grandparents, welcoming of all appearances, from your "average" look, to tye-dye and dreads and beads to heels and skirts to tattoos and piercings. All different energies from all different people with a shared love for horses (and other animals, I might add). This is a really wonderful place.

And the dreamcatchers aren't the only good energy being created by boarders. One boarder spent much of her free time to create, for each horse in the barn, their own name plate to go on their stall, and another one for their paddocks. And this boarder made each sign unique to the horse, so if you look at the sign before meeting the horse, you can actually get an accurate feel for what the horse is like (For instance, Lucy's sign is in the shape of a heart, and its painted red with glitter and flowers and a key, and a sticker reading "ride 'em cowgirl". This is perfectly fitting for Lucy, and for my relationship with Lucy!). The time and energy this boarder put into making these signs is wonderful, so positive and loving. And she will take them down at night every once in a while, take them home to freshen them up, and put them back up in the morning before anyone else is there, as a pleasant surprise for the other boarders.

Another boarder has taken to collecting large, smooth rocks. She paints them with beautiful designs and sometimes paints words onto them, such as "love" or "heal", and she leaves them on the stall doors of different horses. Rocks are, believe it or not, very strong and powerful. To take a rock that is already full of strong, grounding energy, and put colors and designs and words onto it, each color, each design and each word carrying it's own energy, along with the energy of the person who is creating the art, is added into the rock. This is a wonderful, powerful thing!

All of these things, all of these people and these horses, everything together, creates something. It creates a strong community, a community that is loving and caring and happy and constantly learning from each other.

That is amazing, and I am blessed to be a part of it.


So, here I am on this foggy Saturday morning, drinking my coffee and eating my greek yogurt (mixed with sweet nut things and my mom's home-made jam, so yummy). I am sitting at my computer (called Genevieve), and I check my email, renew my tabs on my car (adding a donation to state parks while I'm at it), and then I go to Facebook - purely out of habit. Lately, I have been seeing a lot on Facebook, of things that are making fun of others, or angry towards others, or showing how incredibly misguided and just plain stupid some people are. So much negativity. So today, that's kind of what I'm expecting, and honestly, it's been making me really consider taking myself out of social media.

But this morning, I see different things. I see videos from Bernie Sanders, posted and shared from all different kinds of people from all different states and some from other countries, even, and I will say that some of his speeches have got me tearing up. Seeing Bernie's views, hearing his speeches, and seeing all the positive responses from so many different people, this gives me hope for our country, and for our Earth.

Then I see videos of people dancing, children and adults and elders, dancing together or alone, with or without music, and this is so happy! I see videos of people helping strangers, videos of people sharing their positivity with those around them.

And I see a video from a man and his son, and the love shown from them was enough to reach my heart as I sit here at my computer.

And all of this makes me think that maybe some changes are being made...
Maybe some people are starting to wake up, and really see what is around them. See the beauty and wonder that is surrounding us, in the Earth and the creations we have made, and the complexity of humans. Maybe people are seeing what has been happening, how we have started to fall down from the negativity and hardships and hopelessness of so many people, and the anger and greed and ignorance of so many other people. Maybe people are starting to see how we have damaged our Earth, and how we still are damaging our Earth. Maybe people are seeing this and realizing that we need to change, and we CAN change, and maybe, if enough people see this and understand this, we WILL change.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I am choosing to believe in this, and I am choosing to do my part, to spread positivity and healing and awareness, and I am choosing to help. I hope we can all choose to believe in this, too. Because I know that now is the time for humanity to come together, because no matter what our differences are, we are the same, and no matter where we live or how we live, we all this on the same Earth, and we can only live on this Earth that we share. And if we do not come together to change ourselves and change our ways, our Earth will decide that we can't live here anymore.

And if you don't want to do it for yourself or your brother or sister, then do it for your kids, and your grandkids. What we have created is a world full of negativity and darkness and sickness, and this is what we will leave for our future generations. Unless we clean it up, and heal it up.

-Luja

Note:
This post became much longer than I had initially planned. I got all into it. But shouldn't we all really get into it?

I am drinking my first pumpkin spiced latte of the season!

Yeah, it's only September, but hey if the coffee shops are making them then you know the fall season is here and you are totally justified in switching from your usual boring drink to the delicious and festive drinks!!

On a slightly less reasonable note, I'm so excited for the holidays. As in, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I know, I know, it's not even close to Halloween yet!! I can't help myself. I am finally at a place where I think I can stay strong and positive throughout the winter, and that feeling is giving me extra inspiration to make this holiday season a wonderful one with my family.

So, bring it on, winter. This year, I will kick your ass. 

Can finally write again.

I don't know that this is exclusively a writer's thing... It's probably true for all kinds of artists. Creating something is very hard, I think there isn't enough credit for it most of the time. For me as a writer, there is nothing worse than writer's block.

I have a stronger passion for writing than anything else in life. When I write, it's a kind of feeling like I'm not even on this planet. The feeling is freeing, it feeds me soul and my overall wellbeing. But to write, you have to sit down, open up a blank page, and starting writing (or typing). Words have to land on the page. At times it flows so naturally, so easily, and I don't even have to think about it. The words just come. But there are also times when I open up a blank page and I sit there, staring at it, or staring at my pen or my keyboard. And I will sit there, and sit there, and maybe write a few things and then delete them or scribble them out. It's like my words are broken, my creativity is just not connecting with the rest of my brain. I know it's there, I can think of all the things in my head but I cannot bring myself to write it down. And finally, after spending a fair portion of my day sitting there, not writing anything, I give up. And I feel like absolute shit.

This will go on for days, sometimes weeks. The uneasy feeling comes and stays, the whole time. When I'm working, riding my horse, cleaning, watching a movie, eating, driving... It's always there, nagging at me. The need to write. But I can't do it.

And the reason why I'm writing this post is because I feel like I can write today, for the first time in a few weeks. The set up is perfect, soft easy music, a pot of coffee to myself, two sleeping dogs, no one else in the house... I can do it. But I'm a little nervous, so I'm writing here, so get my fingers going, you know. Once you start typing (or writing), it's easier to keep your fingers moving, so now that I have my fingers all in the mood to type furiously across the keyboard, I will finish this post an open up a blank page and pray to all the deities that I can actually get something written.